Melody's thoughts

I love God, I love my friends who are nice even when I am a brat, I love college (I might not like the homework but that is to be expected.) Today in class the teacher was so passionate and it was just what I needed to hear. God speaks in weird ways. I am feeling a little bit better about some things. Today in class we talked about as being a missionary we have to be vulnerable with the people we work with. And that talking and telling people about things is the only way to heal. My homework was/is really good. I have to sit down for an hour and write down all the reasons why we deserved to have Christ die on the cross, then after that hour we have to take a paper and write down all the ways God showed love and mercy to use. She said it would help us realize how truly precious we are to God. Another thing that hit me was because she said if we keep something inside and then it comes up in our ministry we will still have hurt there if we don't get over it and it will harm God's will. So in conclusion I had a sermon forming in my head today, too bad I am not a public speaker and wouldn't know how to get my message across right. Maybe I will talk at Family night or something, can't be that hard to lead one Bible study. Well, I need to get back to my report/speech for Thursday, I am no where near done.

On a side note my teacher said stinkin' today in class. She said how blessed she was and her stinkin' curtains matched her stinkin' bed spread and she was ministering to a lady who didn't even have enough money to put a roof on her house. She had trouble because she thought the only reason she stayed true to Christ was because of what she was given. Two weeks later her house and everything burnt down to the ground in fifteen minutes....she was still faithful to Christ.

Ohio wasn't all it was cranked up to be, I found it quite boring and not enough good worship like last Ohio trip. Well, it is over and quizzing is over. I am glad. There was way too much drama and I flipped out on some people. I would have much rather wanted a spiritual weekend retreat again.
I am not in the mood to talk at all, I don't know what's happening but I want new friends. I want everyone to be gone so I can just start over. And I don't want any more dumb advice, I have had everyone and their mom giving me advice on how I should change. I don't want any more talk about how I should change my life, because now because of it I don't feel good enough any more.
I can't wait to see Rachel. Rachel is the best friend any one could ever ask for. She has always been there and never back stabbed me. Did I mention she doesn't tell me to go make new friends because I am relying to much on her? (Yes, that is a hidden message.)

Can I ask you a question please
Promise you won't laugh at me
Honestly I'm standing here
Afraid I'll be betrayed.
As twisted as it seems, I only fear love when it's in my dreams
So let the morning light come in and let the darkness fade away
Drowning in my loneliness
How long must I hold my breath
So much emptiness inside I could fill the deepest sea
I reach to the sky as the moon looks on
One last year has come and gone
It's time to let your love rain down on me

I finished at 27th place for quizzing!!!! We as a team didn't do too bad.

Well, I have a report due Tuesday I am almost done with. I have one due next Thursday that I didn't even start on. Grr I have to write pages about Crisis management, goals, and vulnerability in India. Any one wanna help? I also have one month to get six interviews, read two hundred pages, and find over an hour of video on India, THEN write a ten page paper. Ugh but quizzing is over so I can focus a little, but I have to finish my high school year by April 17th and that is madness, did I mention I am going into STAT and have to get that stuff ready? And who knows where I am going in STAT yet....o well....God is good. Yesterday he used something bad for good, Yay God for making pain good.

I have two big papers due in the next two weeks. The one is due Tuesday, and I am determined to get an "A" on this paper. I am putting major hours into getting info for it. The next paper due end of March will be fun on topics really dumb and hard. I also have a ten page paper due next month that I didn't even touch yet because I have tons of other work, and I have to finish 30more hours of my Sr year in high school by April 17th. Dang life is getting crazy. I love quizzing but am glad it is over so I can focus on school.

On a side note I have talked to Rachel F more then Brook lately. I think that is a good thing, not quite sure yet. I love them both to death though! (although I don't love Brook in a romantic way, duh guys. He is just my friend.)

So, I am enjoying this weather and driving this baby all around. It is great fun to take off the roof. Well, I got in the top fifty I am guessing. I have a 29 average which is a lot better then I expected. So that's cool, but I miss Rachel F again. Who would have thought that after three years I would still miss her so much. I wish I didn't have so much going on so I could visit her, but then again I wish I had more going on right now. With Brook doing everything right now I have been sitting here bored trying to think long enough to get some school done. So, Lyn you promised me Ice cream for being awesome, and pop rocks and a soda for getting in the top fifty.

So, yeah, prayers would be nice. I am going through a lot. I lot of physical stuff that I won't share here but I haven't really told anyone, so sorry if I have been grumpy towards you. But yes, prayers are needed, I am on these meds and I can't have caffeine with them and I had a Dr pepper the other day and I had to stop driving because my heart went crazy and I was really scared. I am going to the doc next week I think to get on different meds. But man, if I can't have my Dr. pepper I might as well die anyway (yeah I know Brook you told me not to die yet.). ANYWHO I thought I should update.

IT IS SPRING BREAK!!! WOOT!!! I have off school this week and lots of plans, like working everyday. And my teacher gave mad homework to do. I have two four page papers to write and one interview by the end of break. But I love Mr. Muchmore he is awesome. He walked me to the car yesterday and was checking my car out, if he wasn't in a rush I would have let him drive the crap car. I am calling it crap car right now till I get the water pump fixed.

It is a nice day, I am going to take the roof off my car and drive away.

Time is ticking away till the day I have wished will never come. Why can't I just stop time in my little happy world? God is my best friend right now. Strength seems so far, I know I can be so strong, why can't I just do this thing which can make things better. I really don't want to talk to anyone about it so don't try, I have had too many people say they were there and when I actually called they were too busy. Don't get me wrong, I love God and life, I love my friends, I am just mad at somethings. I am not grumpy, but not happy about somethings. Don't worry, give me some time.

If weakness is a wound
That no-one wants to speak of
Then cool is just how far we have to fall
And I am not amused; I only wanna be loved
But I feel safe behind the firewall
Can I loose my need to impress?
If you want the truth- I need to confess
I'm not alright, I'm broken side, broken inside;
And all I've come through, it leads me to You
It leads me to You
Cause honestly, I'm not that strong

Here is the real post. I can't wait till EMM calls me to tell me where I am going! And I am coming closer to finding out what I would like to do with my life. I prob will get in the top fifty for quizzing, and life is grand...only one part is messed up and I am working on it yet, forgive the mess there is construction going on, it was nasty and finally it bothered me enough to want to start tearing it apart and dealing with it.

LBC sucks...I drove out to school today only to hear on the radio at 7 that my class was canceled. They don't let us know till 7:00 if class is happening or not, and I have to leave by 6:30. Dumb schools. Anyway it was a nice drive, and not icy at all. But once I got to school I had fun ice skating on the sidewalks. But hey I had a big report due which I never finished and I didn't have to hand in a half done paper, YAY!!! So I have till Tuesday to finish it totally. That makes me sooo happy, maybe I will pass this paper after all.

I am 31st for quizzing and if I get 55 points in the next two weeks I am guaranteed to stay up there! Nice, now I need to study. O, and Brookie I like you soo much!

I have trouble believing God sometimes. That might sound bad as a Christian but I don't really care because I am not the perfect Christian. I tell God I believe what he says, and lately I have been reading over the basics. God said let there be light and all this stuff happens. He commands and it happens now I know he doesn't change so what he is telling me is the truth. God told me that no matter what happened to me or what I have done to my body I am beautiful, but yet I look at him and say, "yeah whatever God." But he said it so it is true. O, Lord, help me overcome my unbelief.

I'm so full on life! I love life sometimes it is a weird ride. But hey why should I be mad right now?
I'm eating amazing fudge made by a fellow quizzer from Paradise. I am still in the top fifty for quizzing. I have a great guy. My car maybe runs....? And my mommy made me pork chops for lunch. Only thing is I didn't start on my papers for tomorrow. I will get on that now. God bless.
On a side note I am being a girl and have found one actor I find extremely hot.... don't kill me Brook.
William Mosely =) he played Peter in Lion with and the wardrobe