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Not every phone call has to end in 'I love you' and not every goodbye has to end with a kiss.
Friday, February 23, 2007
beauty
So I really should be heading to work right now, but my last post was starting to make me sad so I thought I would put a happy post!
God is sooo good, he is doing such amazing things in my life today.
This morning I woke up and just looked into the mirror and felt beautiful! This may not be a big thing to anyone else but it is HUGE for me! It wasn't a I am hotter then everyone else, but a peace that God made me so perfect and any one that tells me less can go away.
Well, I am going to work. I am working my last night of third shift and am really really happy. I am starting first shift on Monday. I have my boss wrapped around my finger. He was going to start me at 6:00am and I didn't complain but said, "That's early". So I am starting at 7:00am now!!! Yay! I will have a 7am-3pm Monday-Friday job. I have health insurance now and decent pay checks. Hard work does pay off.
God is sooo good, he is doing such amazing things in my life today.
This morning I woke up and just looked into the mirror and felt beautiful! This may not be a big thing to anyone else but it is HUGE for me! It wasn't a I am hotter then everyone else, but a peace that God made me so perfect and any one that tells me less can go away.
Well, I am going to work. I am working my last night of third shift and am really really happy. I am starting first shift on Monday. I have my boss wrapped around my finger. He was going to start me at 6:00am and I didn't complain but said, "That's early". So I am starting at 7:00am now!!! Yay! I will have a 7am-3pm Monday-Friday job. I have health insurance now and decent pay checks. Hard work does pay off.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
months go by and the feelings come back
There was a really hard month I went through from the beginning of September into the end of October. Where I was open to sharing and to anything because the pain hurt so bad. Life threw so much at me and I lost the worlds to say and just cried.
I am sorta trying to put my thoughts and journal into a book to organize it a little. I was reading entries and looking at pictures. I remembered all the pain too well. And I try and explain it but really can't because it is too much to explain but sometimes tears say it. It is so crazy because I know God is so good, and I know his will is best. But how can so much pain bring any good? Did God just want me to spend hours with him?
The thing is though, if it has brought one person to Christ, would I truly say it was worth all the pain? I mean I went through it because I had to, but would I volunteer to because I knew it would bring someone to Christ?
It really is a hard question for me. But what is crazier is what Christ went through just for us. Now a lot of people know my testimony and all I pray is that is has changed or challenged someone.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
...
Why is it I tend to be so evil? I care so much about some people but yet in the back of my head I always have selfish thoughts bugging me. I tend to take friends for my advantage and don't value people. It bothers me so much when I feel this way. I just wish I could kill my desires and focus only on bringing other people up.
Why is it my night off from work I get a bad head ache and fever? Ugh, could have happened during the week so I could get off work.
So this past week I have had a lot of trouble with guys hitting on my at work. So my boss has it that three outa five days next week I will have a co-worker.
I think third shift is really getting to me. As soon as it gets dark I get tired no matter how much sleep I have had, and then in the morning when I try and sleep I get energy because the sun is up. God created us to sleep during the night and to differ from that is hard and really has been hard for me lately.
Quizzing is good, I'm in the top fifty which is awesome. I am so proud of my team and I love them. 
Friday, February 09, 2007
Another year
Wow it is valentines day again? Now I know a bunch of people hate valentines day but I really have just enjoyed it. Sometimes we need a day to remember those we love. Now I have never had a date on Valentine's day and this year is no different. Yes, last year Brook took me to Cracker Barrel but that wasn't on Valentines day it was a day late. Uhh....so it doesn't count? Alright I am done talking about that.......
So I am in a little trouble and a lot of stress. I tend to like to take problems and see how God can work through them but this time I am stuck. I don't normally regret life and what I have done because I screw up and learn. But this time is hard. I can't really let too much out but just pray for work stuff and relationship stuff with Dave. Dave is a great guy and really understand which I am totally glad for or else I could be in some big poop. Alright I am done talking about this too.... (sorry I just started thinking about Jon saying "Alright I will dial 91 and after we decide Melody should go to jail let me push the other 1." Thanks for not putting me in jail Jon)
God is so good. I have been working 50hours a week and just really busy with quizzing. Well tonight is my night off and I have just been soaking in God, he is everywhere and when you really seek to find him he won't let you down.
So I am in a little trouble and a lot of stress. I tend to like to take problems and see how God can work through them but this time I am stuck. I don't normally regret life and what I have done because I screw up and learn. But this time is hard. I can't really let too much out but just pray for work stuff and relationship stuff with Dave. Dave is a great guy and really understand which I am totally glad for or else I could be in some big poop. Alright I am done talking about this too.... (sorry I just started thinking about Jon saying "Alright I will dial 91 and after we decide Melody should go to jail let me push the other 1." Thanks for not putting me in jail Jon)
God is so good. I have been working 50hours a week and just really busy with quizzing. Well tonight is my night off and I have just been soaking in God, he is everywhere and when you really seek to find him he won't let you down.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
You will never regret giving God each day
"A young girl walks into her room and doesn't like what she sees
In her reflection there, she's not what she wants to be
She cries out, she cries out
The frustrations of this life are filling her head
How could such a simple thing have a grip so intense
She cries out, She cries out
She tries just to be what she's not
she's destroying herself
She starves herself
The compulsion must end
She cries out, cries out
The addiction is bringing her down
This obsession is bringing her down
She wants to fly away from this
only God knows how to
Fly away from this
He will help her now" --Kutless down
I really love Kutless, the first CD I just listen to and can relate so well to what they sing about. Like the song run talks about how we just live life without God.
Tonight I skipped out on youth group to go to Spring City's quiz practice, I was really challenge by something they did. Each practice they go around the room and share something from the text, as I read over the text quick something jumped out at me. It was in Luke 22:54-62 the part where Peter denies Jesus. I kept thinking how I would never do that if Jesus was right with me, but how can I say that? I have rejected my faith so much lately. So, I liked David and I wanted to be with him so I bent a couple boundaries and let my faith slide a little. Even at work I haven't been sharing as much and just working, not that working is bad, but I have so many chances to share God each night.
And as I sat there all this conviction hit me, and just like it was for Peter when Jesus looked right at him when he disowned him three times, I felt the guilt. Now I didn't have Jesus looking straight at my eyes but I felt him looking past that and into my heart. What have been my motives? Why did I fall for this boy who was really sweet and did stuff to sweep me off my feet?
Don't get me wrong Dave is a great guy and I see so much good in him, it was just I couldn't pray with him when I needed it, I couldn't grow spiritually with him.
It still hurts so much though when I think about Dave. I just sit there and pray knowing I can't do anything else right now.
I just love praying. I was driving to church early so I could just sit and pray. I love that feeling where you are just pouring out your heart to God and praying so hard you just start crying because you don't have the words to talk any more. I love that feeling when you are so connected to God that you start praying for stuff you totally forgot about and you know it is only by God's grace. I love those prayers when you are so excited hours go by and you don't care.
And those times in prayer are the times that I remember......God is all I need......
In her reflection there, she's not what she wants to be
She cries out, she cries out
The frustrations of this life are filling her head
How could such a simple thing have a grip so intense
She cries out, She cries out
She tries just to be what she's not
she's destroying herself
She starves herself
The compulsion must end
She cries out, cries out
The addiction is bringing her down
This obsession is bringing her down
She wants to fly away from this
only God knows how to
Fly away from this
He will help her now" --Kutless down
I really love Kutless, the first CD I just listen to and can relate so well to what they sing about. Like the song run talks about how we just live life without God.
Tonight I skipped out on youth group to go to Spring City's quiz practice, I was really challenge by something they did. Each practice they go around the room and share something from the text, as I read over the text quick something jumped out at me. It was in Luke 22:54-62 the part where Peter denies Jesus. I kept thinking how I would never do that if Jesus was right with me, but how can I say that? I have rejected my faith so much lately. So, I liked David and I wanted to be with him so I bent a couple boundaries and let my faith slide a little. Even at work I haven't been sharing as much and just working, not that working is bad, but I have so many chances to share God each night.
And as I sat there all this conviction hit me, and just like it was for Peter when Jesus looked right at him when he disowned him three times, I felt the guilt. Now I didn't have Jesus looking straight at my eyes but I felt him looking past that and into my heart. What have been my motives? Why did I fall for this boy who was really sweet and did stuff to sweep me off my feet?
Don't get me wrong Dave is a great guy and I see so much good in him, it was just I couldn't pray with him when I needed it, I couldn't grow spiritually with him.
It still hurts so much though when I think about Dave. I just sit there and pray knowing I can't do anything else right now.
I just love praying. I was driving to church early so I could just sit and pray. I love that feeling where you are just pouring out your heart to God and praying so hard you just start crying because you don't have the words to talk any more. I love that feeling when you are so connected to God that you start praying for stuff you totally forgot about and you know it is only by God's grace. I love those prayers when you are so excited hours go by and you don't care.
And those times in prayer are the times that I remember......God is all I need......
